Johnny Depp Isn’t Playing Jack Sparrow Again

Movies

It’s a ruse worthy of Captain Jack himself. An Australian entertainment news outlet called Poptopic claimed a source told them that Disney is preparing a massive offer for Johnny Depp to return to the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise as Captain Jack Sparrow. According to the source – whom they call an “industry insider” and a “trusted source close to Disney” – the beleaguered corporation is prepared to give Depp $301 million (one million over the $300 million he said in court he’d turn down, minus the alpacas) to headline another Pirates movie, plus a Disney+ TV series about Jack Sparrow’s “early life.” Tellingly, Poptopic ran this story on June 7, and nothing came of it – no Pirates of the Caribbean: The Perils of Peg-Leg Pete starring Johnny Depp was announced in the past few weeks.

But today, mainstream publications began reporting it. The UK’s Daily Mail ran the story; then, The New York Post reported it, followed twenty minutes later by The Daily Caller. Thus, the story gained traction, with plenty on social media – including myself – eager to believe that Captain Jack was back. But if you think about some of the details, they don’t quite add up. For example, giving Depp over $300 million means he’ll be making more than the entire budget of each of the first three Pirates movies and most of the budget of the other two, which would balloon the costs of the sixth entry into the stratosphere. And how would the pushing-60 Johnny Depp star in a prequel series about Jack Sparrow? I suppose he could be part of a framing device, but for that much money, they’d want him front and center.

But the logistics don’t matter because it’s not happening. E! News reports that one of Depp’s representatives bluntly told NBC News, “This is made up.” Vulture later reported the same, as did Fox News and The Independent. (Thanks to Lyndon for disabusing me of Depp’s triumphant return before I wrote what would have been a very embarrassing article.) So what gives? Why did everyone run with this story? It’s fair to note that the ones that reported on it are right-leaning publications, and those who sided with Depp or his ex-wife, Amber Heard, in the defamation trial, seemed to fall mostly down party lines – which is weird for something that should be independent of politics, but that’s the world now. (It’s also what happens when an incident involving two individuals is turned into a referendum on a sociopolitical movement.) I think it’s more than that, though; I think people wanted it to be true because they want to see Depp back as this character. In its piece, The Daily Caller said:

“Nobody wants to watch a ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ movie without him in it. That’s just a fact. Johnny Depp is Captain Jack Sparrow. He is responsible for the franchise being such a large hit. When the rug got pulled out from under him over the Amber Heard situation, it looked like he’d never play Sparrow again.”

That’s right on the money on its face, but I think this is where the zeal for this story to be true stems. Nothing against Margot Robbie, but is there anyone who wants her headlining a Pirates of the Caribbean movie instead of Johnny Depp’s Jack Sparrow? Will it even feel like Pirates of the Caribbean? And more than just not having the hero of the franchise around, the circumstances surrounding his firing ensure that a Pirates movie without Depp will be burdened by the real world. This isn’t a case of an actor getting bored with a role; Depp wanted to come back, and he loves playing Jack Sparrow, a character he poured himself into perhaps more than any other of his many great performances. (Check out this video to see how much Johnny Depp cares about tiny roles in obscure movies and imagine what goes into Captain Jack.) By its very existence, this movie will never let us forget that Depp isn’t there. Try getting immersed in fantasy after that.

And – once again, this isn’t Margot Robbie’s fault – having a woman take over for him after the Amber Heard fiasco feels like a statement, whether it’s meant to be or not. (And it’s Disney, so it probably is.) Above all else, Pirates of the Caribbean movies are fun, and nobody’s going to have any fun watching a thinly-veiled stick in the eye of a popular actor playing a beloved character. If this film goes ahead, I can see a Lightyear scenario happening again. In terms of the box office, the problem with Lightyear wasn’t the movie itself, but the publicity surrounding it, which Disney made sure was all about moral hectoring over a gay kiss (which may not have even made it into the movie, as several people who’ve seen it have told me). So moviegoers didn’t look at the Lightyear poster and see a fun sci-fi adventure for kids but a Pride Month virtue signal and opted for dinosaurs and Tom Cruise instead. The Pirates reboot (or whatever buzzword they call it) will be even worse because Disney doesn’t need to force the issue as they did with Lightyear; they’ve already done the damage by firing Johnny Depp.

Nobody wants this. Fans don’t want it, Johnny Depp doesn’t want it, I’d bet a ton of money that Margot Robbie doesn’t want it, and despite their faux-virtuous preening, Disney doesn’t even want it. But it’s the Mouse House who made the bed and then did what Amber Heard apparently does to beds, and now everyone has to suffer. That’s why people were clinging to this piece of fake news; we wanted to believe it.