REVIEW: Lord of the Rings: Rings of Power – Season 2, Episode 8, “Shadow and Flame”

Television Reviews

**DISCLAIMER: CONTAINS SPOILERS**

The final episode of season 2 begins with Prince Durin striding down a tunnel to discover many dwarf bodies strewn about. Disa, alive, is amongst them and proclaims that the “ring has him, mind and soul.” MUST WE ALWAYS BE REMINDED THAT THE DWARVEN RINGS ARE NOT LIKE THE ONE RING FOR THE WEARER AND THAT DWARVES ARE NOT EASILY CORRUPTIBLE??? 

“The Dwarves indeed proved tough and hard to tame; they ill endure the domination of others, and thoughts of their hearts are hard to fathom, nor can they be turned to shadows.” 

-Of the Rings of Power and the Third Age, The Silmarillion 

Disa asks Durin what he’s going to do, and he replies, “No matter what you hear, do not follow me down that mine.” King Durin is using a battering ram to knock down a rock wall, and the camera pans down to the depths of the mountain to show a glow of reddish orange. Guess what that is. Guess. Oh… we know damn well. Prince Durin demands his father take off his ring, or else he’ll chop off his whole hand. This stays the King’s hand, and he faces his son, asking if he’s strong enough. Prince Durin, being a total wimp of a Dwarf, cries and says he will never be as strong as his father. He tells a story about how they used to arm wrestle, and his father would make him believe he was winning, only to have the latter overpower the prince. The King continues his “mining,” and the rock tumbles, making a perfect hole for him to walk through. He calls his son to see, and the walls glitter with veins of mithril all over. 

And yes, THIS is the moment, a moment which SHOULD NOT HAVE HAPPENED. The Balrog is not supposed to awaken until T.A. (Third Age) 1980, roughly 4000 years ATFER the Rings were forged when the Dwarves of Moria dug deeper into the mountain for more mithril. When the Balrog attacked, Durin IV and his son Nain were slain. But this show… the last thing the writers and showrunners care about is lore accuracy. 

A fiery whip flies up and wraps about the King’s ankle, JUST like Gandalf in Fellowship of the Ring, except it does not pull him down into the depths. The Balrog extracts a flaming sword and attacks, swiping Prince Durin aside like he’s merely air. Durin III calls for his son, then actually removes his ring and turns to fight the Balrog. Yep. Just like Gandalf in the Third Age—WHEN IT’S ACTUALLY SUPPOSED TO WAKE UP!! 

The Stranger/Totally not Gandalf is walking through the desert at night, through the Stoor village. He meets the Dark Wizard who tells him he knows him, that there were five of them, and that The Stranger told him (the Dark Wizard) to come to this world, that Sauron could not be defeated alone. But wait, wasn’t the Dark Wizard to ally himself with Sauron? The reply? “You journeyed to Rhûn seeking answers, old friend. Follow me, and you shall have them.” He claims he’ll tell The Stranger his past and his name. The Stranger asks after the Halflings, and the Dark Wizard  assures him he has “seen to their safety.” The Easterling Mask dudes appear, restraining Nori and Poppy. The Dark Wizard is disappointed with them for not delivering him The Stranger, saying they were utterly useless, then kills the lead Mask Dude. The other two run off, releasing Nori and Poppy. The Stoors wake then, and Boss Lady Stoor is startled to see the Dark Wizard. 

This offends him, and he claims that “it is not a name he embraces, one given by Men by their fear and ignorance of his kind.” He hopes his actions in getting rid of the Mask Dudes will help them “know him better.” The Halflings express their pity for the Easterlings, to which the Dark Wizards says that pity will not help them defeat Sauron. 

The Stranger/Totally not Gandalf asks the Dark Wizard if he were to defeat Sauron, would he be his successor?  The Dark Wizard replies that in due time, they will both be his successors. Stranger/Totally not Gandalf refuses, and the former gets big mad and causes an avalanche of boulders to rain down on the village. As the Dark Wizard leaves, he tells The Stranger/Totally not Gandalf that when he “comes to his senses,” he’ll be waiting. 

Suddenly, The Stranger/Totally not Gandalf has control over his powers and prevents the boulders from raining down, giving the Halflings time to get to safety. The scene ends by showing a constellation in the sky above. 

Bells toll in Numenor as the made-up daughter of Elendil the Short stands before a group, the high priest amongst them, demanding to know what they are doing there. She says she was only ordered to bring them there and knows nothing more. Soldiers enter with Pharazôn. He claims they know how Míriel escaped her fate, that she has allied herself with cunning powers. Yep, he’s referring to Sauron. Míriel is accused of working with Sauron, and all of the Faithful are deemed traitors. The soldiers are then ordered to imprison all those of the Faith. Made-up Daughter makes her way through the crowds to find her father and warn him that the soldiers are after him. As he hides in time, she tells the soldiers that no one else is around and asks them to leave. They scoff at her, but she threatens to inform the King of their disobedience. 

Elendil is with Míriel in her chambers, telling her they must flee to the West, that there are many Faithful there, his son Anárion among them. Hold on a minute. This show has only Isildur and Made-up Daughter as Elendil’s children, but now he has another son?? Like he’s ACTUALLY supposed to?? In the true lore, Elendil the Tall and his two sons flee The Drowning of Númenor, and this son mentioned, the youngest, when lord of Minas Anor, is slain in the siege of Barad-dûr. 

Míriel refuses to leave; her place is here (well, thank goodness they get this right) because she is the last to perish when Númenor is swallowed up in the sea. Elendil asks her, “But where is mine if not with you?” STOP PUTTING TOGETHER CHARACTERS THAT NEVER HAD A ROMANCE!!! Oh, but it gets worse… or just more comical. Miriel gives him Narsil. Yes. The very one that is broken when he died in combat against Sauron, the shards reforged for Aragorn and named Andúril. 

Eregion is still under siege, and guess who’s there? WARRIOR GUYLADRIEL, SLAYER OF ORCS!!! She’s leading a group of women and children out of the city, killing two Orcs with great ease on the way, of course. They exit through a tunnel, but on the other side are more Orcs waiting for them. Guyladriel begs the Orcs to spare them and says she will go with them, for she has what Sauron wants. GIRL. YOU ARE SO UTTERLY STUPID!!!! 

In the ruined forge, Sauron/Figgatar is torturing Grammabrimbor, who is on the brink of death. Arrows protrude from his body, and Figgatar fires one last arrow at him, dropping the bow before striding up to him. “Look what you’ve done to yourself.” He pauses as he hears some Orcs outside, then goes on to describe how they are bloodthirsty heathens in the heat of battle. But wait, I thought this show wanted the viewer to feel sympathy for LITERAL demons. Sauron/Figgatar says he will end Grammabrimbor’s suffering if he tells him where the nine rings are. Oh, this is where it gets better (heavy sarcasm in that statement, by the way). Before Grammabrimbor’s demise, he says this: “The Rings of Power shall destroy you. And in the end, I force one alone shall prove your utter ruin.” 

HEY GUYS! HE MEANS FRODO! OH MY GOODNESS, HE MEANS FRODO!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I HATE THIS SHOW!! 

Figgatar/Sauron gets pissed at this comment, takes up a pike, and stabs him through with it. With his last breath, Grammabrimbor says: “Sauron, Lord of the Rings.” Then he dies. I HATE THIS SHOW SO MUCH!!!!!!!!! Then FIGGATAR CRIES. Yes, HE WEEPS!! THE LITERAL DEVIL!! Orcs enter and ask if he is indeed Sauron, and through his stupid tears, he says: “I have many names.” CRYBABY. THAT’S ONE OF THEM. 

Isildur is sitting in a house, turning over a dagger in his hands, as Theo enters. The latter says it’s ill luck to pack a dagger in a bag, for it “cuts” a journey short. Who the hell are these writers? They are AWFUL. Also, it’s the same dagger Stabby Girl used to stab Isildur in the leg a few episodes ago. Theo asks Isildur how he carries what happened with his mother, to which the latter says, “Poorly.” He did not realize how poorly he was until he arrived in Middle-earth. Wah wah… the little shit kid gives the older boy a hug (okay, then) and leaves. Isildur continues his packing when the door opens again, and he believes it’s Theo, who may have changed his mind about going with him back to Númenor. HA, NOPE. It’s Stabby Girl!! She’s come to return some bundle to Theo; after a few awkward moments, she confesses she doesn’t really love the guy she’s promised to, and yes, more stupid, unnecessary kissing. This show really loves to pair up characters who should never be together, especially in this case because this chick is of Amazon’s creation and, therefore, does not exist within the Professor’s Legendarium. Isildur asks her to come back to Númenor with him. 

Pharazôn’s stupid son arrives, and Theo announces himself as “Bronwyn’s son,” as if that’s a fancy title. Another random dude repeats what Theo said. What?? What does that matter?? It’s then explained that there’s some agreement between them and Míriel. Stupid Pharazôn’s son says that agreement has been terminated, and he starts prattling on about building a watch tower, homes, etc. Isildur asks for passage on a ship back to Númenor and includes another—yep, Miss Stabby Girl. Her betrothed walks up, though, and makes things a little awkward. Stupid son says no exceptions and tells Isildur that his father is now king and Elendil is wanted for treason, though if he had it his way, he would’ve offed Elendil from the start. Isildur gets pissed, then Stupid Son threatens to slaughter the horse, Berek, for the hungry people, so he backs off.  Stupid Son announces that the colony is now a fortress for Númenorean soldiers, and any “low man” who wishes to stay will have to deliver timber from the surrounding forests for the construction of His Majesty’s armada. Theo asks what of the food and supplies promised, and Stupid Son says, “No timber, no supplies.” 

The Orcs lead Guyladriel to Adar, who is kneeling over… a rock?? Tree root?? Whatever. Also, the crown of Morgoth is sitting beside him. The Orcs tell him that “the She-elf has turned herself in,” and then Adar orders them to leave. Guyladriel, who is a complete fool, says that she will do as he asks of her, asks him to please stop the slaughter, and she will help him destroy Sauron. Adar asks her how she will do so without her ring, which he reveals he is wearing. And the speculations were partially true. Yes, the ring heals Adar; his skin is no longer gray-looking, and his scars gone. He says he was known by another name… I about had a heart attack thinking we’d hear Celeborn, but thank goodness, no. Adar removes the ring and hands it back to Guyladriel, telling her to use it against Sauron and that he will call back his children and never make war on Middle-earth again. His gray skin and scars begin to return as he speaks. Guyladriel says she has slain more of his “children” than any Elf alive. Suddenly, he forgives her. She replaces the ring on her finger as other Orcs come carrying on a stretcher the father Orc we were supposed to feel sympathy for in the previous episodes, the one who said—in Black Speech, by the way—“You told us you love us!” 

Well, that one… he’s injured, and Adar goes over to him. He rasps that it is too late, but Adar says it is never too late, even for him. And… the same thing happens to Adar that happened to Sauron in the first episode. Yes, Adar gets Caesar’d. The camera then pans over to Morgoth’s crown, and who’s to pick it up but… OH YES. FIGGATAR! It’s also very comical that this show tries so hard to be like Game of Thrones with the violence. It’s so freaking stupid…

Adar whispers, “My children,” to which Figgatar says, “They are not children anymore.” Then, Father Orc, whom we were supposed to feel bad for, gives the final blow. Adar dies. 

The Orcs ask what their orders are now, and Sauron says, “Raise Eregion and leave no Elf alive, but bring me their leaders.” Guyladriel backs away—what’s wrong, girl? You haven’t got the hots for your Devil man anymore??? 

She picks up a random sword on the ground and goes to attack Sauron, but he parries with the crown. Then, he glances at her ring, WHICH HE IS NEVER SUPPOSED TO SEE!!!!

“Now these were the Three that had last been made, and they possessed the greatest powers. Narya, Nenya, and Vilya, they were named, the Rings of Fire, and of Water, and of Air, set with ruby and adamant and sapphire; and of all the Elven-rings Sauron most desired to possess them, for those who had them in their keeping could ward off the decays of time and postpone the weariness of the world. But Sauron could not discover them, for they were given into the hands of the Wise, who concealed them and never again used them openly while Sauron kept the Ruling Ring. Therefore the Three remained unsullied, for they were forged by Celebrimbor alone, and the hand of Sauron had never touched them; yet they also were subject to the One.” 

-Of the Rings of Power and the Third Age, The Silmarillion 

He demands she remove it and give it to him. They then begin their little sword fight. The Orcs in Eregion have captured the High King and Elrond, and they witness the statue of Fëanor being torn down. There’s a pile of scrolls that an Orc is about to burn, which makes Elrond screams out. He begs them to spare them, as they are all the records of Grammabrimbor’s work, and that if they take their lives, to leave the records be. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, SUUUUURE, THAT’LL CONVINCE THEM ALL RIGHT!! The Orc burns them anyway, as we knew they would, and Elrond freaks out while a few hold on to the High King. Another Orc yells out that they are ordered to keep the leaders alive. 

Guyladriel and Sauron are still fighting. He tells her, “Surely you must understand that to find the light, one must first touch the darkness.” SHUT UP WITH YOUR STUPID NIHILISTIC BULLSHIT!!! She then kicks him over a small cliff; how she did that, the tiny thing that she is, is astounding. As she points her blade at him, he turns into… Halbrand. OH YES. He repeats that stupid line about fighting beside her in the first season, then moves and transforms into her (Guyladriel) and then Grammabrimbor. She falls, and Sauron kicks away her sword. She drags herself along the ground and takes it up again when Figgatar STABS HER WITH THE CROWN! YESSSS, KILL HER, PLEASE!!!!! SHE IS EVIL!!!! He goes on to say how she could’ve been queen, blah, blah…

“The free peoples of Middle-earth will always resist you.” He removes the crown spikes from her, and she falls over. The pouch housing the nine rings falls from her shirt, and Figgatar picks it up. A horn bellows in the distance. The Dwarves have finally arrived in Eregion. Oh, and magically, Discount Legolas has healed! Elrond sees a Dwarf he believes is Durin IV but is told the prince is in mourning. 

Figgatar speaks to Guyladriel telepathically to tell her to give him her ring. She stands because he’s using his mind control powers, and she removes her ring. She says to him, “You wish to heal Middle-earth…heal yourself.” Guyladriel closes her hand over the ring and throws herself off a cliff—yes, she throws herself off a cliff. The others on the battlefield see a light shape falling in the distance. 

Sauron turns away as the father Orc comes to tell him they are being overwhelmed and that the Dwarves are helping the Elves; then, he stabs Father Orc. Discount Legolas and High King Gil-galad find Guyladriel where she landed. Her wounds are not merely of the body; they are sapping her immortal spirit into the shadow realm. REMEMBER FRODO BEING STABBED BY THE MORGUL BLADE?? REMEMBER????? The High King uses his ring in an attempt to heal her, chanting the darkness away from her body. But the darkness is still powerful for him, and he cannot save her. DON’T WORRY; TWINK ELROND IS HERE!!! He picks up Guyladriel’s ring and holds it. He says he can heal her. He puts on the ring. 

Nori and the Stoors are cleaning up the damage from the Dark Wizard. Nori is very sad, saying she wants to “fix it,” to which Poppy gives a speech about what Mr. Burrows told her once, that some things cannot be fixed; some things lost are lost forever. 

Prince Durin and Disa, along with other Dwarves, are mourning the death of King Durin III. There’s a voiceover of Poppy’s speech as it shows Isildur leaving on a ship for home, Míriel being read her sentence before the king, and Elendil fleeing Númenor just as he saw in the palantír. Sauron stands, holding Fëanor’s hammer. 

The Stranger/Totally not Gandalf is bidding the halflings goodbye. Nori and he have a stupid “sentimental” farewell chat, and she leaves. The Stranger magically finds his staff at his feet, which looks EXACTLY LIKE GANDALF’S. He walks to Fake Tom Bombadil’s house when, in the real lore, no one ever finds Tom Bombadil again, so this is utterly STUPID. The Stranger says that this was a test, that he was supposed to choose friendship over power, and tells him to find his staff. 

“A wizard does not find his staff; it finds him—like his name.” AND GUESS WHAT??? IT IS GANDALF. JUST LIKE WE ALL KNEW. AND THEY SING THE REAL TOM BOMBADIL’S SONG TERRIBLY!!!

Prince Durin is given the report that Eregion has fallen, and the survivors fled to a place north of them, Elrond leading them. Yes, oh yes. It’s Rivendell, or to be Rivendell, that is. Durin says to send a dispatch that they will aid him once more. Disa says they have troubles of their own to tend; the Blue Mountain Dwarves paid their tributes, and they are demanding to collect. Also, Durin is apparently not the preferred heir—UM, EXCUSE ME. THEY ARE NOT CALLED “DURIN’S FOLK” FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES!!! Oh, apparently, there’s a brother of Durin’s gathering support to take the throne. 

UNFORTUNATELY, Guyladriel survived. She did not become a Ring Wraith, which are not supposed to exist yet. The High King stayed with her, joking about how he was not used to her being pleasant company. She asks where they are, and he says, “A sanctuary”—yep, it’s going to be Rivendell. Discount Legolas appears, telling Gil-galad that the others are awaiting his orders. They must decide if they will fight Sauron’s armies or stay there and defend themselves. Discount Legolas asks what Guyladriel would do. She rises to her feet, saying that she would heed the counsel of Grammabrimbor. It is not strength that overcomes darkness but light. 

NIHILISTIC DIMWITS!!!!!!! THIS SHOW IS TERRIBLE!!! NEVER, EVER WATCH IT!!!! SPARE YOURSELVES!!!!!!

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