Lionsgate Picks up The Crow Remake
A long-gestating remake has returned from the grave. According to The Hollywood Reporter, Lionsgate has agreed to distribute the “re-imagining” of The Crow in the US. The film, which was directed by Rupert Sanders, is completed, and it stars Bill Skarsgård as Eric Draven, a rock musician who is murdered along with his fiancée but resurrected by a mysterious crow as an invincible avenger to seek bloody justice against their killers. FKA Twigs, Danny Huston (who we can assume is the villain), Laura Birn, Sami Bouajila, and Jordan Bolger round out the supporting cast. There’s no word on a release date. In a joint statement, the producers of the new version of The Crow said:
“The original film left an indelible mark on our culture that lives on… We are thrilled to bring a new adaptation for today’s audiences that respects this legacy. Rupert has masterfully brought new dimensions to create a contemporary universe for this timeless saga of undying love, and we can’t wait to share this vision with film audiences.”
By “contemporary universe,” they mean Eric’s girlfriend is black now, and he’ll be avenging improper pronoun use instead of her murder, because that’s the kind of thing statements like that always mean. I could pretend I don’t know why they’re remaking a movie that felt like a lightning-in-a-bottle film with tons of history behind it, including the tragic death of its star during filming, but we all know why. Their “respect for the original” will end at the exact point where they think they can sell a new one. I guess Bill Skarsgård is as good as you’re going to get for a lead – remember when they wanted to re-imagine Eric as a blue-collar guy played by Mark Wahlberg? But I don’t have much faith in Rupert Sanders, whose only other movies are Snow White and the Huntsman, which I didn’t see, and Ghost in the Shell, which was so bad Scarlett Johansson in a skintight outfit couldn’t make it interesting.
If they must squeeze another nickel or two out of The Crow, they should make a sequel with another character becoming the Crow and sell it as a “reboot” or “soft reboot” or a new buzzword they haven’t invented yet. (Just kidding; these people don’t invent new things, as evinced by the fact that they’re remaking The Crow.) There were three or so direct-to-video sequels in the 90s and early 2000s, and while I didn’t see any of them, I’m sure they were all terrible. But why not follow that mold and make a better one? Have a different story, like he uncovered a conspiracy or something, and now he has to fight crooked government officials and their black ops henchmen. But nah, they’re just gonna copy and paste the first movie and sprinkle in a “modern flavor.” Can’t wait.
