REVIEW: Agatha All Along – Season 1, Episode 9, “Maiden Mother Crone”

Television Reviews

“Maiden Mother Crone,” the (hopefully) series finale of Agatha All Along, is an odd duck. It’s split into two distinct halves, and while the first one is easily the best the show has been, the second is little more than a coda, a half-assed wrap-up that makes you wonder what the point of the series was. Was it just setup for future Marvel projects? Probably, but I don’t know what those would be or, after the failure of Agatha All Along, if they’ll even happen.

Agatha Harkness’ backstory reveals what the witch has been up to the entire time, while in the present, Billy tries to figure out what really happened on the Witches’ Road… if it even exists.

The first half of “Maiden Mother Crone” tells of Agatha’s past, focusing on what happened to her son Nicholas. And while I mostly liked this section of the episode, it starts off with some dumb things. When we first see her, Agatha is pregnant and running through the forest, trying to give birth. As she’s delivering her baby, Death approaches, and Agatha knows what’s coming, begging her “love” to let the baby live. Death cryptically responds that all she can give Agatha is “more time.” This would have been a great time to fill in some important holes in Agatha’s backstory, like how she met and fell in love with Death or who Nicholas’ father is. The first is never even touched upon, making their whole relationship meaningless, while the latter is explained in the laziest way possible.

***SPOILERS***

Well, I shouldn’t say “explained” so much as “implied.” Agatha has an almost throwaway line suggesting Nicholas was an immaculate conception, which explains the “Maiden” part of the title. This is so dumb, and I’m sure it’s some weird feminist thing about not needing a man to have a baby because girl power or whatever because there’s no explanation for how it could have happened. But whatever; Agatha now has a son, and she’s starving, wandering the woods because… yeah, we don’t learn that either. But Agatha spends the next several years tracking down witches’ covens and killing them to steal their powers. She says she’s doing this so that she and Nicholas will survive, but it’s not explained why this is necessary. Can’t she just join one? Or is she evil and obsessed with gaining power? Again, there’s no explanation, but Agatha uses Nicholas as her accomplice, coming up with the “Witches’ Road” song along the way.

I’m criticizing this segment a lot, which may seem strange because I said it’s the best Agatha All Along has ever been. And there is a lot wrong with it from a storytelling perspective, as there has been with the whole show. But I liked that, at long last, Kathryn Hahn was given a chance to act. She’s very good in these scenes, making Agatha more human than she’s ever been; you can feel how much she loves her son and how determined she is to protect him as she counts the days until Death claims him. There’s no mugging for the camera, no stupid voices, no jazz hands, just a human being. Aubrey Plaza gets a couple of good moments as well, particularly when she finally comes for Nicholas and, before he takes her hand, gestures to Agatha, and Nicholas gives his sleeping mother a final kiss. It’s understated and very effective, and it makes Agatha’s descent into cruelty mean more, as her grief pushes her to con witches into following her on the Witches’ Road, a fantasy that allows her to kill more witches and take their powers. For a brief time, Agatha All Along works.

But even this part of “Maiden Mother Crone” has problems. Agatha’s turn to evil is hampered by the fact that she was already killing witches and taking their power. It would have been better if she hadn’t started doing this until Nicholas died. Why not have Agatha start as a nice person who held no ill will toward anyone, but the loss of her son turned her heart black? The use of the Witches’ Road song would mean more that way, too, a relic of the son she loved perverted for evil. Agatha doesn’t seem to have a reason for stealing other witches’ powers, either. What if she were increasing her own power because she wanted to get her son back? Perhaps there’s a legend in magical lore that a soul can be returned from the afterlife by a witch with enough power, and Agatha wants to attain that level of magical ability. That would have explained her zeal to get Wanda to become the Scarlet Witch and then sap her dry in WandaVision. It would also explain why she was helping Billy along. But her actions seem to be an end in themselves rather than in service of a larger goal.

The same could be said of the show itself. The second half of “Maiden Mother Crone” takes place in the present, with Agatha as a ghost haunting Billy. The Witches’ Road was a confidence game Agatha ran on her victims, and this time was no different, but Billy made the Witches’ Road real; that’s why it was made up of things from his room. That’s also how Agatha figured out who Billy was, and I’m glad they at least explained that. It’s a bit of a leap, but I can buy that she realized only someone connected to the Scarlet Witch could have that much power. She explains her sacrifice for him as a “calculated risk,” whatever that means in this case, and Billy is bereft, blaming himself for the coven members dying. Again, I like that Agatha remains evil and that Billy is the contrast to her, feeling guilty for something that was really Agatha’s fault more than his. His way of making up for it is to try to banish Agatha by sending her to the other side for good, stopping only when she tells him she can’t face Nicholas after doing so much evil. So, Billy spares Agatha, and the two set off to find Tommy. The end.

This is aggravating. What was the point of Agatha All Along? It feels like it was a setup for a story about Billy finding Tommy, but I don’t see where that would even happen. Meanwhile, there are plot threads that never get explained. If Death wanted to take Billy because his return upsets the natural order, as Tommy’s would, why would she allow Agatha to die in his place? Isn’t the natural order still upset? What was the point of having Jen be the only surviving member of the coven so she could fly away and contribute nothing to the finale? Why did Agatha allow people to think she sold her son to Mephisto when he just died of natural causes, especially since the real story would have helped her trap other witches more than the fake one? Why did Death let Agatha stay a ghost instead of taking her to the other side? Why does Agatha hate Death if she did all she could to let Agatha have as much time as possible with Nicholas? What was that “gay explosion” Aubrey Plaza was talking about? I doubt we’ll ever have those questions answered, as Agatha All Along has gotten pretty abysmal ratings, meaning the show seems almost entirely pointless. Can’t wait for Daredevil.

Let us know what you thought of “Maiden Mother Crone” in the comments!

***

Get Your Geeks + Gamers merch here!