REVIEW: Sonic The Hedgehog 3 (2024)

its not not a kids movie

Movie Reviews

Sonic The Hedgehog 3 is a kids’ movie with an identity crisis. I had a vision of Santa Claus riding his sleigh with all those reindeer telling me so. It’s not a Christmas movie. It’s not an action movie. It’s not a comedy. It’s not a drama. It’s a kids’ movie. I had to keep reminding myself of this while watching because there were a couple of things that made my eyebrows clench. Movies like these aren’t necessarily supposed to have intense, heartfelt drama. Neither are they to have the highest levels of acting. It’s just not how they are designed or produced. Look at Batman Forever (a kids’ movie) or the Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers movie, to name another. Those are the vibes I was getting throughout Sonic the Hedgehog 3.

Bonus 199 trivia: if you have a problem reading the phrase “kids’ movie” over and over again, you might be Jeremy, who is a homosexual, #199

Sonic the Hedgehog 3 would be a perfect kids’ movie if it was 80-90 minutes long. For being a kids movie, that’s my only big issue with this (as someone who is not a kid). It’s two hours long. Half of the audience at my theater were kids, which I was happy to see. If you’re looking for a chance to get to the movies with your family, this is a great one to go to. There is nothing political in this movie, and there is no messaging. Nobody had two moms or two dads. There are no moments where some boss lady woman person makes a man (particularly a white man) look weak, dumb, or incompetent. No communal living scenes. No shaved heads of any gender. None of that stuff at all, whatsoever. This movie is enjoyable for all ages and walks of life. I enjoyed watching it, I did. I still have to criticize it, though, right?

Going into Sonic the Hedgehog 3, I was kind of expecting something else. When I think of Sonic the Hedgehog, the first thing that comes to mind is “fast.” Like, super duper extremely fast! And a total baller. He’s always poppin’ gold rings (cash money!) like there’s no tomorrow. Sonic would be the perfect wingman if you could just get him to chill out for, like, ten damn minutes and stop doing endless circles! That’s how I see Sonic, so I was kind of expecting that to reflect in the viewing experience. Unfortunately, I did not feel like I had just experienced a roller coaster set to loop like I was hoping I would. It didn’t really feel like a ride of any kind. Any time it started to come close to going that way, it swerved right into scenes of acting that wasn’t taken seriously by the actors or comedy that didn’t exactly land.

The direction and editing were OK, sure, but it was not quick and snappy. This was a two-hour movie when it should have been an hour and a half, tops. There is no reason a kids’ movie needs to be longer than 90 minutes, including the end credits. It wasn’t until the second half of the movie that I started getting something for me. The momentum did pick up in the second half, and I started to feel a little excited. I thought it might begin doing way more Sonic shi… stuff, but not really. There was a bunch of Sonic being Sonic doing Sonic stuff throughout the movie, but not enough. There was nothing “punchy” about this movie. Oh yeah, right, lol. This is a kids’ movie. Maybe I should tell the producers of Sonic the Hedgehog 3 that it’s definitely a kids’ movie, bruh.

The voice acting was pretty good. Ben Schwartz (the voice of Sonic) was excellent. I actually thought it was Andrew Garfield at first. I want to say the voice acting was great, but Keanu Reeves (the voice of Shadow) shouldn’t be doing any voice acting unless it’s for an A Scanner Darkly prequel or sequel. Otherwise, KeKe should stick with John Wick movies. I get that the character Shadow and his arc have a somewhat dark tone, but no. Just no. Reeves’ voice acting made everyone else’s stick out that much more. Idris Elba stuck the landing as the voice of Knuckles – hard. My only critique of Elba is that there just wasn’t enough Stringer Bell walking across the grass in the pit swagger. He’s already rockin’ Tims (Timberland boots) in this joint. It would’ve fit right in with Shadow’s Jordans and gold rings.

The actual in-person and on-screen acting was superb (for a kids’ movie) and lackluster at best for a movie that takes itself a bit seriously. There are parts where the movie forgets that it’s not going to get nominated for any best drama awards. Then, there are parts where Jim Carrey’s (playing Ivo Robotnik and Gerald Robotnik) time on screen should have been cut in half. He really didn’t bring that highly caffeinated, pizazz-y, crazy stretched lip after taping his face for an hour with scotch tape, “I’m on drugs, man!” energy. He kind of phoned it in on this one. Wait, I mean, he (almost) kinda killed it in this kids’ movie. His dual role scenes had a couple of moments that made me look at the time. There was one in particular that I wish I didn’t see. Speaking of things I wish I didn’t see today – I’m gonna be having Nothing But Trouble-style nightmares tonight after watching Carrey play Gerald Robotnik. His performance in this kids’ movie was that of an elegant veteran stage actor who couldn’t decide if he should be depicting a villain, being overly creepy in general, or if he was auditioning for a part in the next Lucasfilm Star Wars series (starring some female-ish looking person with at least most of their head shaved).

I liked the music in Sonic the Hedgehog 3. There were a few songs in there, and they felt good. The soundscapes were perfect for a Sonic movie. There were a lot of robotic sounds, and dubsteppy whom whoms, and enough bling bling with all those damn gold rings to make Lil’ Wayne go blind. Nothing about the music felt off or out of place. It was probably my favorite part of this movie.

I went to the Sonic The Hedgehog 3 Fan Event thing. It was nothing, really. It didn’t cost more money, and the event was watching the movie. I did receive a poster and keychain with my ticket purchase, and I thought that was pretty awesome, even if I’m not a Sonic fanboy-kid.

If you go into Sonic the Hedgehog 3 with the notion that this is a kids’ movie (last time, I swear), then you will have a great time and probably enjoy it that much more. It’s not our fault (the viewers) that the direction of this movie was slightly bipolar. Or is it that I am possibly bipolar and can’t take movies seriously today? I know, and I’m not telling. Don’t let my review stop you from taking some kids to this. It’s worth it to take kids. I probably would have enjoyed it three million times more if I did.

Shoutout to the 199.

Let us know what you thought of Sonic the Hedgehog 3 in the comments!

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