REVIEW: The Lord of the Rings: Rings of Power – Season 2, Episode 3, “The Eagle and the Sceptre”

Television Reviews

***DISCLAIMER: CONTAINS SPOILERS*** 

Firstly, the biggest and only positive of this episode: NO GUYLADRIEL!!! The downsides? Númenoreans that do not in any way resemble true Númenoreans, Don Lemonlas/Discount Legolas, and… that little shit Theo. 

Episode 3 begins with Elendil the Short attempting to get his son’s horse, Berek, to come back on the ship with them so they can return home. The horse refuses, and they release him. Cue a repurposed scene of Aragorn’s horse going to find him after his fall during the battle with the Warg riding Orcs in The Two Towers on the way to Helm’s Deep. Berek enters a burned-down, desolate town where Orcs spring out to capture him. The horse ends up escaping into the Black Forest, where nothing comes out alive, dun-dun-dunnnnnnn!!! Berek finds a cave in which, in the foreground, clicking and skittering can be heard. Isildur is found all wound up in a web, looking relatively unscathed (because of course, it’s this stupid show). There are squelching sounds above, which cause Isildur to look up and see spider eggs all over the ceiling and walls. An egg hatches, and out squirms a spider. ENTER SHELOB!!! Or a version of?? Who knows, considering how much this show copies and repurposes from Peter Jackson’s Lord of the Rings. The fight scene is to totally remind people who have seen the original films of the fight between Shelob and Sam, or even Bilbo when he stabs the spider before bestowing the name of “Sting” to his sword. Isildur escapes, and the scene changes to Elendil. 

Back in Númenor, they are having a funeral for the deceased king. The made-up daughter of Elendil berates her father, upset that he will not speak his son’s name but blames someone else for his death, which makes her recall what the king had told her in his delirium before he died in season 1. “So, know this: our island will fall, and there is still time.” This, of course, references the Fall of Númenor, which does happen in the lore, in the same vein as the city of Atlantis. Enter the queen-regent, Míriel. Elendil goes to stand beside her, and the two discuss Pharazôn (who is standing across the room) and whom he may be conspiring with.  

A random woman walks up to the queen, angry about how they are “respecting the dead” by placing sea shells on the tomb, and then smacks Míriel. All around gasp, then Míriel asks who the woman lost, to which she replies, “My son,” and the two embrace as the latter weeps. 

Now, the queen is alone in her chambers at night, opening a box that contains a golden bracelet when Pharazôn arrives. He basically asks her if she’s sorting through her father’s affairs, then says one of the stupidest lines ever: “Possessions of the dead. They become hallowed keys into doors that are, now, forever shut.” How the heck does that make any sense??? 

He then asks her what she’s hiding behind her back as she slips on the bracelet out of sight and replies, “Nothing, cousin.” The conversation moves on to her choosing her gown for her coronation, either “red for the future of Númenor or white for her past.” She chooses white as she recalls her father’s coronation, remembering an eagle being present as well. Pharazôn states that it is rare to have an Eagle grace the ceremonies and deems it auspicious if one would appear for hers. 

It should also be noted here that, in the lore, Míriel never ruled Númenor and was forced to marry her cousin, Ar-Pharazôn (“The Golden,” twenty-fifth and last king of Númenor), which is against the laws. One of the soldiers, Valandil, overhears Pharazôn, another man whose name escapes me, Pharazôn’s son, and made-up daughter of Elendil, Eärien, discussing how they, like many other citizens of Númenor, know of Míriel’s blindness and believe her unfit to rule for this reason. Valandil interrupts this conversation and threatens the son of Pharazôn for speaking ill of the queen. Once he leaves, Eärien is asked to tell the group what she was about to tell them before the interruption. She explains how she found “something secret and forbidden” as the scene changes to Míriel twisting the golden bracelet from earlier into a key-like shape to enter through a hidden door up a flight of stairs to the room where the palantír set, but is now missing. 

Now, to Adar. One of the Orcs expresses his concern about going to war, saying, “Sauron is dead; why can we not leave him that way?” (paraphrasing), to which Adar tells the Orc not to worry himself over the matter, as he wants to be sure Sauron is indeed dead. Then, the most ridiculous, now infamous scene happens. The Orc in question goes up to a female Orc holding a baby and comforts them. Now, many will be thinking, aren’t there only male Orcs?? How do they reproduce?? Orcs do indeed reproduce as Elves and Men do, but this scene is meant for the audience to SYMPATHIZE with Orcs. This attempt to humanize beings made to do the bidding of pure evil, beings created to mock the Elves, is utter blasphemy. Where Elves are beautiful and wise, the Orcs are hideous and violent, with no morals or anything to guide them aside from taking orders from an evil DARK LORD. Also, let’s not pretend it’s Black Speech Adar is speaking in a scene coming up; it’s not. There’s a rumbling, and a troll appears to them, one by the name of Damrod, Hill-troll of the Ered Mithrin. The trolls demands of Adar where Sauron is. 

In Eregion, Celebrimbor is hosting Durin IV and Disa, promising them aid, which turns out to be more rings of power, rings for each of the Dwarf-lords. He explains to them that the ring will help heal their mountain, as theirs had the Elves’ Great Tree, but in return for this, they must bring him… mithril, which is now suddenly magical and not just a precious resource. Disa asks why Celebrimbor has not inquired after the king (Durin III) with this, to which the reply is that Durin III is hesitant to ask for outside aid. Therefore, he believes that in putting the offer through his son, Durin III may be more inclined. Durin IV says he and his father are no longer on speaking terms, with, quote, “You’d sooner convince an Orc to sit for a sunbath than get the two of us in a room together.” Gimli son of Glóin has said better. Much better. 

Annatar, who has been standing in the background, walks over and says the Dwarves were summoned here so they could help them, and to bring means of restoring their realm and earn the respect of the king again, and even his inheritance back. Durin IV inquires just who he is, and before Celebrimbor can reply, Annatar says, “A friend of the Elves.” Durin, who believed it was Elrond who set this up, being that he was the one previously sent to acquire mithril, asks after him, to which Annatar says, “The restoration of Lindon demands his full attention.” 

Durin is suspicious of Annatar (GOOD, SOMEONE WITH MORE SENSE), so when he and Disa leave, the two argue over telling the king about the rings. 

Back at the forge, Annatar and Celebrimbor are having a discussion that evolves into the former literally admitting that he knows the High King has forbidden any more forging of rings and that the king also isn’t aware of his (Annatar’s) presence in Eregion. Celebrimbor, reduced to looking like an old queen in this shit show, scoffs at this and, paraphrasing here, states, “Why should it matter to the king what I do in my own realm?” If there was actually ANY form of manipulation going on in this show, then okay, BUT CELEBRIMBOR IS WILLINGLY DOING THIS WITHOUT IT!! He’s literally LYING to High King Gil-galad!  

Now, to Isildur. He’s been traveling for a while and slides off his horse at the bank of a small, brackish pond, going to drink from it. First of all, idiot; second of all, there’s a dead body in the water. Remember the Dead Marshes?? ‘Member??? Also, Isildur steals the dead man’s boots. The next sequences of scenes attempt to mirror when Aragorn is riding back to Rohan after his fall in The Two Towers. Isildur comes across a ravaged camp with dead bodies strewn about. As he goes farther in, a girl leaps out and stabs him in the leg. After they both realize none are a threat to each other, she helps bind up his leg and asks where he’s headed. Isildur says that he is off to the Númenorean camp nearby, but she tells him he’s just missed them. However, she produces a map she found with a circled location—Pelargir, the old Númenorean settlement. On the way, they encounter an old man who appears wounded. He tells them he was attacked by Orcs, and Isildur asks if he can walk; he says he cannot. Before they leave, Isildur reaches out to give the man a heel of bread when the mark of Mordor flashes up from the man’s wrist. It’s a trap, and the wildmen attack. 

And who should appear to save the day? Arondir/Discount Legolas!!! They talk briefly, Isildur asking what business the former has in Pelargir, but he trudges off without reply. The scene changes, and it is night. The town is having a funeral pyre for Girl Boss Bronwyn, who perished in the battle in season 1. Oh, and Isildur and the stabber chick are magically there, too, and before it ends, Discount Legolas places a hand on Theo’s shoulder. 

Back with the Dwarves, food merchants wish to petition the king to open the royal grain reserves, which will last three months. King Durin III tells Narvi to send them in. After a few moments, the king looks up to see his son enter. Durin IV tells his father what Celebrimbor wishes to give them to help with their dilemma. He also expresses his distrust of the rings; then, father and son reconcile. 

Back in Pelargir, Theo is patching up Isildur’s leg, and Isildur asks what happened to his mother. Arondir/Discount Legolas answers by saying he failed to stop Adar and protect Bronwyn. Afterwards, Discount Legolas attempts a heart-to-heart chat with Theo, who tells him, “You’re not my father,” and to “never speak to him again.” Next scene, it’s Isildur who has a bit more success talking to Theo, talking about an aqueduct. Theo says no man can build such things, to which Isildur counters, “But in Númenor, we can.” Theo then tells the latter to meet him later at the same place. 

Now, at night, Isildur is sitting with the chick who stabbed him at a campfire where they both discuss their mothers. The former tells how his mother died from drowning to save him from suffering the same fate as a boy, and how no one in Númenor actually knows the full story, how he blames himself for her death. Theo overhears this as he walks up to call Isildur to come with him. Once he leaves, stabber chick holds her knife in the fire and, once the blade is hot enough, lifts her hair with her free hand to reveal the mark of Mordor on her neck. She takes the white-hot blade and places it on the mark, crying out. 

A group of Wildmen are gathered around a campfire, and Isildur sneaks up to free Berek from them. The group hears the horses chuffing, and before they can investigate, Theo appears, asking to share their fire. They question him, and he tells them he, too, serves Adar and shows off a mark. One of the men says it’s not Adar’s brand, and suddenly, the man in the background chopping down a tree is tossed forward, killed by the very axe he was just using. Groaning and creaking are heard, and the camp is attacked by unseen attackers. This is totally Ents, but according to what was shown in the official trailer, it appears to be Entwives. Now, as told by Treebeard to Merry and Pippin in The Two Towers, they have lost the Entwives. Oh, and Theo is totally grabbed by one, copying the Hobbits being grabbed by Treebeard as they escape the Orcs being slaughtered by the Riders of Rohan. 

Coronation day arrives in Númenor. Míriel emerges wearing white and walks up to the stand to take hold of the sceptre when someone in the crowd shouts, “Queen of Lies!” Then, another shouts out, “Unfit to Rule.” She gives a speech which, part way through, is interrupted by made-up daughter to Elendil, Eärien. She tells what the king told her before his death and holds out the palantír, or seeing stone. The crowd gasps and murmurs as she claims the queen has taken counsel from the stone and blames it for all the recent deaths. Elendil yells for all to be silent, and his made-up daughter tosses the palantír down the steps to roll through the crowd, which parts for it. Pharazôn tells those around that these are lies, “The true ruler of Númenor would never place trust in an Elvish artifact.” He orders the guards to take it and destroy it. Míriel cries out and admits the palantír is indeed hers. Elendil goes to grab it but is tossed away by force, totally not trying to imitate when Pippin took the one from Gandalf in Return of the King. 

The crowd goes crazy; then, suddenly, an eagle appears near where Pharazôn is standing. Someone begins to chant his name, and all follow, saying the Eagle favors Pharazôn as their ruler. It should also be noted here, for those who have read The Hobbit, that the Eagles can speak, so it could’ve said something… but this isn’t Lord of the Rings. 

Behind the High King’s back, more rings are being forged at Eregion. King Durin III has brought more mithril, which is presented to Celebrimbor, who hands it to Annatar. The latter places the mineral in the molten liquid in a basin, and disembodied voices ensue. 

The Númenoreans look as much like actual Númenoreans as the Elves in this show look like Elves—which is not at all. The Orcs are the only things that look decent, and, yeah, the imagery all around is pretty, but the substance of the story is HUGELY LACKING. THANKS A LOT SIMON TOLKIEN. Anyway.

Now, for a moment, to disregard this utter abomination of a show. Today, fifty-one years ago, we lost a brilliant man. He survived a war of which life expectancy was six weeks, became the father of modern fantasy, was a craftsman of words and worlds. His legacy lives on through those who love him and the fans of decades who cherish his works. 

RIP John Ronald Reuel Tolkien, 1892-1977.