REVIEW: The Lord of the Rings: Rings of Power – Season 2, Episode 6, “Where is He?”

Television Reviews

***DISCLAIMER: CONTAINS SPOILERS***

“Where is he?” begins with Discount Legolas dashing through a forest, following after two Orcs. He pauses to listen to their conversation; one states they’ll be labeled “deserters,” but the other replies, “Anything is better than dying to help Adar chase a ghost.” UM, WHAT? ORCS ARE BLOODTHIRSTY HEATHENS; THEY ARE NOT SOME PEACEFUL RACE!!! Even without a master, they are violent and cruel!! As Discount Legolas rises from his hiding place behind a large rock, a twig snaps; the Orcs attack him, and, of course, he takes them all down easily. He goes over to one, lifts its arm, and removes a folded cloth that is a map. 

Back in Eregion, Grammabrimbor is in the process of creating the rings for the race of Men, but after many failed attempts, he gets frustrated. He demands more silver and mithril, but the female assistant/Annatar’s other lover says there is no more mithril, and the Dwarves have been late with their delivery. They’ve attempted to send a few dispatches, but to no avail. Grammabrimbor throws a hissy fit, and the other smiths complain that they’ve been laboring as hard as they can when Grammabrimbor suddenly asks female assistant her name. She asks him, “Does he not remember?” He asks to be given a moment. Then, enter…FIGGATAR. Yes, that’s Annatar/Sauron’s new name. Apparently, he’s Mister Boss Man and tells the other smiths to have a respite. They leave, and POOF! Grammabrimbor remembers female assistant’s name! Apparently, it’s Mirdania, but what does it matter because Amazon made her up? Grammabrimbor laments that he’s been forgetting even simple things lately, to which Figgatar says he cannot be expected to remember everything. HAHAHA, Elves generally have good memories, so… but this show is stupid. 

The two have another conversation that’s basically the same as the one described, and then Figgatar says that Grammabrimbor is wanted for an audience with his people. But the former is determined to finish the rings, says nothing else matters, and allows THE LITERAL DEVIL to assume his, THE LORD OF EREGION’S, duties. He tells Figgatar that the Dwarves have been late with their delivery of míthril and ask him to see to it. 

Figgatar leaves the workshop to address the other smiths who happen to be gathered outside (there’s also a statue of Fëanor, the most gifted of Elves and creator of the Silmarils, who’s depicted as an older man when he’s actually younger than Galadriel—the real one) and tells them, “The greatest Elven smith is consumed by his work.” HAHAHA, well, in the REAL LORE, yes, CELEBRIMBOR is the greatest Elven smith, BUT THIS PATHETIC EXCUSE OF A CHARACTER IS NOT. 

Old Figgatar asks what other issues may be of concern, to which female assistant and guards explain how, normally, there are many merchants and artisans who enter the city, but that was dwindled as late. They sent a search party across the river to see if there was an obstruction in the road, but only one soldier returned. On the soldier’s skin, a message is carved in black speech. Figgatar orders them to bury the body and tell no one of this. Female assistant asks if she should tell Grammabrimbor, but Figgatar snaps that no one is to disturb him, and he reveals that all the smiths have been stripped of their duties. She obeys, but asks what the message on the body says, to which Figgatar replies, “Where is he?” YEP. The title of the episode. 

Now, the show picks up with Adar and Guyladriel. They sit at a table while the former eats. Adar begins the conversation by saying that, during his brief time of captivity under her, she appeared “consumed” with finding Sauron. He says it’s always like that once he worms his way into one’s mind. Guyladriel replies with defiance that he knows nothing of her mind, that he yielded to Sauron, but she resisted. GIRL. YOU LIAR, YOU RELENTED TO SAURON’S HOT DEVIL D; SHUSH YOUR FACE!! 

Adar basically says that sooner or later, she’ll be under Sauron’s control—BRO, SHE ALREADY IS. “His eye bores a hole, and the rest of him slithers in.” They really repeat conversations a lot in this stupid show, but they use different words to make you think it’s something new. COMICAL. He also adds that Sauron makes one believe his power is also your own and that everything in the world feels dull and grey in comparison. Then he asks what Sauron promised her, to which she replies, “An army.” WHAT ARMY??? And he tells her that he was promised “more children.” I’LL PRETEND THAT DOESN’T SOUND CREEPY in this sense. Then, one of the stupidest freaking lines ever by Adar: “It’s not his lies that need to be destroyed; it’s him.” OH IS THAT RIGHT??? He then claims he can help her, and she retorts with, basically, what could an Orc like him possibly help her with.  

His reply? 

Uruk. 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, BRO, GET THAT BUTCHERED BLACK SPEECH OUT OF YOUR MOUTH. Also, yes, there are the Uruk-hai from the Third Age bred in Isengard that many are aware of but obviously do not exist yet. Adar then brings up a wooden box that he opens, revealing the crown of Morgoth. He goes on a spiel about how he was there when Sauron was kneeling to be crowned, just as we saw in the first episode. Guyladriel asks why he (Sauron) returned, and he says, “Because he hadn’t found her yet.” HA, WELL, SHE DID BASICALLY ALLOW HIM TO RISE TO POWER. Adar then explains how it is said the three Elven rings “saved your kind from fading.” Notice that past tense, as if he magically knows of them, which, in the real lore, they weren’t EVEN MADE YET!! And the wearers could make them invisible to the eye, so even Sauron himself could not see them. Adar believes combining the rings and crown will be powerful enough to destroy Sauron forever. Also, he knows “Halbrand” is Sauron and that he’s hiding in Eregion. AS IF ANYONE WITH BRAINS DIDN’T KNOW THAT!! He threatens that the fate of the city rests on her if she cannot set aside her pride. Oh, careful now, Adar; this crazy bint killed an Ice Troll in three seconds—can you hear the sarcasm? Adar chains her back to the chair she sits in and says they will speak again before he departs the room. 

Back in Númenor, Elendil the Short stands trial before the king for his crime of inciting the “violent conflagration” and also treason. The sentence is death. However, with his long and faithful service to the crown, he is given the chance to renounce his crimes and pledge loyalty to the true leader of Númenor. This STUPID show… Elendil cannot die yet because, IN THE ACTUAL LORE, he and HIS SONS escape after the Drowning of Númenor to found the Númenorean realms of Middle-earth. 

He does renounce his crimes; however, he does not pledge loyalty to Pharazôn. He believes Míriel is the true ruler. HAHAHAHAHA!!! SHE NEVER RULED NÚMENOR STUPID SHOW!!! So Pharazôn is big mad, of course, and two guards come forth to grab Elendil and lead him away. Some dude whose name I do not know nor care to know at this point walks up with a tome and says perhaps they should have the Valar decide his fate. “If the Faithful wish to live by the old traditions, they ought to die by them as well.” At this, the fake/made-up daughter actually seems to care about her dad.

The scene changes to Nori (Female Frodo) screaming, and it turns out to be a vision that The Stranger/Totally Not Gandalf has. He’s standing with FAKE ASS Tom Bombadil, who randomly says, “Snoring? Who’s snoring?” WHAT THE HELL EVEN IS THIS?? He keeps speaking in riddles that are trying to be clever but fail miserably. The Stranger/Totally Not Gandalf asks when Fake Tom can teach him magic. More stupid riddles in response, then he tells the former to follow him. 

And we’re back with those damn Harfoots and Stoors. The Easterlings are continuing their search for them. Nori asks the female leader of the Stoors, whose name I have also forgotten but do not care to know at this point either, why they don’t go to another place to be safe from the Easterlings and Dark Wizard. Nori continues about how Harfoots find a new place to live every month—what the hell… how do they even do that?? Every month??? Boss Lady Stoor goes on a spiel of a reply that they’ve been there all their lives, and they want to die there. Nori then decides that she’s the one who’ll help them get out of this mess—how freaking noble of you; can you hear the sarcasm? 

Poppy is flirting with Nobody dude doing… I don’t even know. She’s holding a dead snake, and they’re filling up… straw-like things with the venom?? This show is stupid, SO STUPID. They have a nonsensical conversation and, oh yes…there’s a smooch, which was totally not necessary at all. Now, Poppy is with Nori, and she agrees to help with her plan of turning herself over to the Easterlings. 

FAKE Tom and The Stranger/Totally Not Gandalf are traipsing through the desert when they come across a vast valley filled with dead trees. The goal of The Stranger/Totally Not Gandalf is to find himself a staff. The latter asks how this is achieved, and FAKE Tom replies, “You’ll find your true staff only when the vision of your heart is single to the service of the Secret Fire.” WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN??? The Stranger observes that it could take months to find his staff, and he has to find Nori to ensure she is safe. THEN THIS FAKE ASS TOM BOMBADIL QUOTES GANDALF FROM THE BOOKS: 

“Many that die deserve life; some that live deserve death. Who are you to give it to them?” 

THE ACTUAL quote: 

“Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them?” (Gandalf to Frodo)

THESE FREAKING HACKS!!!!! The Stranger/Totally Not Gandalf says he will return once he knows Nori is safe, but FAKE Tom says he cannot return if he leaves. One of the many absolute worst aspects of this show is the TOTAL DESECRATION of these characters. THE REAL Tom Bombadil (as mentioned before) is an ENIGMA character; he is ALOOF and does not care about the goings-on of the world outside of his own realm. 

After this, the Fake Tom disappears. 

King Durin III sits on his throne as his son enters the room, believing his father summoned him. When the former states he was not the one who summoned Durin IV, the camera moves to reveal… FIGGATAR!!! He asks the Dwarves for more míthril in exchange for lumber so they may build more mining shafts, platforms, etc. Oh, and Eregion is under siege, so they’ll need the precious metal for that, too. Durin IV says they should speak privately of this matter when the King states he has made his decision and flat out says no. WOW, DOES HE ACTUALLY HAVE SENSE?? There’s a weird stare-down between Figgatar and Durin III; then, the former glances at one of the braziers, in which a monster-like shape partially emerges from the flames, then disappears. He bids them farewell and leaves. Durin IV is relieved, but his father knows they’ll be back, asking for more, especially since they’ll be needing the míthril for weapons and armor. Durin begs his father to remove his ring, but the King refuses. Durin IV runs up in an attempt to remove the ring by force, and suddenly, his father has super strength and tosses him across the room.

Moving to Disa now, she’s basically going off on how they should overthrow the king because of how he’s been acting, being controlled by the ring and hearing no other voice. They argue a bit, then Durin gets up and walks towards the tree. He’s weeping. Disa comforts him and says that if they do not do something now, the King will destroy himself and the kingdom with him. 

Fake/made-up daughter of Elendil stands before him in his cell, telling him that he is to be tossed into the sea and that the “sea worm” is being summoned. There’s a sobfest in which the fake daughter is actually showing emotions other than contempt, when who should arrive? Míriel! She begs Elendil to bow down to Pharazôn, saying that if the island is to endure, it needs more men of The Faith like him. He says he knows her to be the true ruler and cannot accept Pharazôn, for he’d “rather die with a heart that is whole than live by one broken by cowardice.” Bro, you’re kind of a coward in comparison to THE REAL ELENDIL. JUST SAYING. 

She asks what of her heart and starts weeping, and he comforts her while saying… oh yes, “THE SEA IS ALWAYS RIGHT.” 

The Dwarves have begun doubling their mining efforts, as ordered by the King. As they’re striding down the tunnel, they pause when they see Disa. She’s asked to move, or else she’ll be moved by force—good luck with that, boys! That’ll take a few more of you; have you seen her size? Okay, mean joking aside, she does her AWFUL screeching, which the others scoff at, thinking that was meant to frighten them, when… SHE FUCKING SUMMONS BATS!! DO THESE FOOLS NOT KNOW WHAT BATS SYMBOLIZE IN TOLKIEN’S LORE???? Bats in the lore are essentially related to vampires and are on the side of EVIL. 

“The Goblins are upon you! Bolg of the North is coming. O Dain! whose father you slew in Moria. Behold! the bats are above his army like a sea of locusts. They ride upon wolves and Wargs are in their train!” — The Hobbit, Chapter Seventeen, “The Clouds Burst” 

ALSO, SAURON HIMSELF TRANSFORMED INTO A VAMPIRE!! It happened in The Silmarillion, chapter nineteen, “Of Beren and Luthien.” So, by these standards, DISA IS EVIL. 

Elendil is about to be judged by the sea. He accepts the judgment of the Valar, and the guards unchain him. He looks over at this fake/made-up daughter, who’s again actually showing some sadness, when a woman’s voice shouts out. Míriel has come to take Elendil’s place since his crime was done “in her name.” It’s agreed by the law that the queen regent take his place, and she steps into the water and floats there for a bit when she’s suddenly pulled under. And we see the very same sea monster from the first season that attacked the raft that Halbrand/Sauron and Guyladriel were on. On the surface, everyone is waiting to see the result, what will emerge from the sea, because remember, it’s always right. A giant wave comes up, and Míriel survives the judgment, not a scratch on her. As the people begin to chant, “Hail Tar-Míriel, Queen of the Sea!” Pharazôn is visibly angry. 

It then switches to Pharazôn standing before the palantír and places his hand upon it when he’s given a vision of Halbrand/Sauron. 

Back with Adar and Guyladriel, it appears she’s agreed to work with him, and they’re discussing what course of action to take. She asks him to unlock her and tells him that Elrond is on his way from Lindon with an army—and her ring, Nenya. Wow, she actually knows the ring’s name when it was never stated in the show before, which one would would have thought it would be. The plan is to destroy the rings Sauron has created. The Adar asks what the High King will do for the Orcs—if they’ll be permitted to return home, if he will continue with his plans to invade Mordor (HAHAHAHA THAT’S RICH!!), or if they will be left in peace. But he answers himself and just says that they’ll attack regardless, so WHAT THE FUCK EVEN? They exit the tent they were in, and Guyladriel says Eregion is under Sauron’s control by now and that it’ll take far more than a mere legion of Orcs to lay siege to it. Adar then reveals that he has more legions of Orcs and that Guyladriel has confirmed who Sauron is and who carries the ring; the city will fall—Sauron with it. Guyladriel protests, screaming that this is all Sauron’s plan, he has no army of his own, and Adar’s was lured here. He orders the Orcs to bind her because she’ll be useful later. 

This next sequence essentially copies the siege on Minas Tirith in the Third Age in Return of the King. Then, randomly, it shows Figgatar slice his palm. What the hell…what was that for??

Grammbrimbor is sketching designs of the ring for Men when he hears yelling and goes to look. Figgatar stops him, asking about the progress. Grammbrimbor says he heard the siege alarm, but Figgatar says he has everything under control. The former actually gets a backbone and snaps that he is tired of Figgatar telling him where to be and shoves him aside. As Grammabrimbor leaves the forge, Figgatar says that he will be blamed for the demise of everyone and that they still have the nine rings to forge. He stands there, disembodied voices whispering, then opens them. 

Grammabrimbor exists the forge to a scene of peace, relieved, and Figgatar appears, going on about how he’s always wanted to make “objects of great power.” Grammabrimbor says he cannot forge any more rings without míthril when Figgatar reveals he has powdered míthril and claims that once they are finished forging the nine, the Silmarils will be “but a whisper” in comparison. He convinces Grammabrimbor to continue the project. 

Once the latter leaves, the scene changes to one of chaos, and Figgatar walks through the crowds, smirking. 

The Orcs begin firing catapults at Eregion. 

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