Ryan and Jay: 50 Shades of Gay

Theme Parks

Jay decided to test his limits by babysitting Ryan and Chrissie at Universal’s theme park in Orlando, Florida! Their day starts off with Ryan yelling at some kids in a marching band, specifically cheering on the trombone players. Mardi Gras is currently occurring at Universal, so the trio decided to deck themselves in beads. Jay is the queen to Ryan’s king. Don’t worry, Jay; everyone knows that the queen is the “neck” and can control the “head” in any direction.

They head off to Diagon Alley in the Wizarding World of Harry Potter, which is Ryan’s favorite theme park, as he profusely tells anyone who will listen. He continues to berate scooters and obese people but praises butterbeer: “Hot butterbeer is, like, the best thing in the world.” They continue on to Grimmauld Place, where Ryan knocks on the wrong door to say hello to Kreacher the house elf.

Walking through Simpsons Land, Jay tries his best to keep his two kids (Ryan and Chrissie) under control. Considering who he’s dealing with, he handled the challenge well.

The trio enjoyed the 3D King Kong ride, and Ryan proclaimed that “King Kong ain’t got nothing on me.”

They even met the “Crème de la Crème”: soaking wet, deaf lesbians! This seemed to be more exciting to Ryan and Chrissie than the actual King Kong ride they were waiting for. The deaf lesbians asked Ryan if he knew any ASL signs. He only knew one. Watch below to see which sign he knew!

To further celebrate the King and Queen’s arrival to the LGBT community, Chrissie told a talking fountain that Jay and Ryan got married! The fountain responded with congratulatory music and “Ah, Ben and Jerry! Love the ice cream!” Watch below.

They jump on the Jurassic Park water ride and are placed in the very back, probably because of Ryan’s cussing or increased impact of water. They are joined by some kid (who believes Universal is better than Disney) and get soaked, and Jay nearly loses his phone in the commotion. Staying “true to form,” Chrissie was very wet.

Back at the Wizarding World of Harry Potter Hogsmeade park, Ryan and Chrissie have a duet to commemorate Ryan having to leave. Jay and Chrissie end their day by riding on the Dr. Seuss ride with their “Thing One” and “Thing Two” hats. Chrissie thought the ride was underwhelming but needed it after hanging out with Ryan all day.

I think it’s safe to say that their day trip was “absolutely amazing.”

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