WWE Money in the Bank Results (2023)
WWE Money in the Bank Results
Danny Damage | Jul 3, 2023 |
WWE Money in the Bank 2023 results and commentary from Danny Damage!
WWE Money in the Bank Results (2023)
First and foremost: apologies for the delay; I’ve been on vacation.
For clarity, this is only the cause for this review being late. The reason there’s no review for last week’s AEW Forbidden Door is that it’s a non-canon wank-fest booked primarily for Tiny Tony Khan and his crate full of tissues. No thanks, not again.
Anyway, Money in the Bank’s James Bond “inspired” intro was so lame that someone should have called a vet to perform a mercy killing. It would have been fine without the cheesy American/fake King’s English accent, but all that noise just distracted the viewer from the fancy graphics and well-placed music score.
Interestingly, WWE has a new sponsor for the immediate future: Bud Lite. After EVERY match on the card, we got a replay of the finish with a Bud Lite frame and/or graphics of the plain-looking blue beer cans. Michael Cole sounded like he had his seal-of-approval costume on as he barked, “Enjoying Bud Lite is easy,” while clapping his flippers and waiting for his trainer to throw him another fish. Again, this was for every bastard match!
It’s almost as if one of the parties is desperate to get in touch with its previous customer base and get its sales back on track. Amusingly, the other company is likely well aware of the pickle the former is in, and Vince McMahon has no doubt ensured he gets a much bigger piece of the pie/deal.
Men’s Money in the Bank Ladder Match
Winner: Damien Priest
I won’t run through the succession of (mostly) meaningless spots until the last zombie-crawl up a ladder. The crowd was ravenous for LA Knight to pick up the win, but the safe bet (when knowing Vince McMahon’s type), Priest, grabbed the briefcase.
Knight is so over, it’s unreal. Butch got a nice hometown hero pop when he came down the aisle, but it sounded like a muffled fart in comparison to the ovation Knight received.
Ronda Rousey & Shayna Baszler vs. Raquel Rodriguez & Liv Morgan (Women’s Tag Titles)
Winners: Rodriguez & Morgan (pinfall)
I have nothing against “Raq the Back” Rodriguez; she’s great. The sole problem with this setup is with WWE’s Torture Porn teaser, Liv Morgan. For that group of fans who love watching Morgan get stretched and chucked around while she squeals and cries with her arse wiggling in the air, this was an enjoyable performance. For fans of wrestling and legit tough girls, it was a disappointment of a match and a waste of time that could have been spent doing something else. Morgan also got a dirt-cheap pop by wrestling in Union Flag-themed underwear “ring gear.”
Raquel’s a beast, and she’s got big things ahead of her. Having her go toe-to-toe with the likes of Ronda Rousey and Shayna Baszler doesn’t require much of my imagination to get on board. Seeing Ronda and Shayna selling for Liv like they just got hit by Cris Cyborg is one of the biggest piss-takes of the decade.
Anyway, Liv sold for most of the match, and then Baszler randomly turned on Rousey and choked her out. Rodriguez dropped Ronda’s corpse, and Liv hit her terrible finish and then pinned her. I think that’s the fifth time that Liv has pinned Ronda now. Yikes.
Matt Riddle vs. Gunther (Intercontinental Title)
Winner: Gunther (submission)
In my opinion, this scrap was much better than many would have expected. That’s a knock on Riddle and nobody else, as Riddle has been quite silly since coming up to the main roster. He’s not bad when he’s taking things seriously, and Gunther’s gonna have a good match with you whether you like it or not.
Early on, Riddle showed that his skill set bridged the gap somewhat when fighting the bigger, stronger Gunther from underneath. He was dodging and catching Gunther’s attacks, then clinging on for dear life, but it wasn’t enough. Eventually, Gunther figured out Riddle’s game and started blocking everything. Gunther worked on Riddle’s previously damaged ankle and made him submit to what looked like a heel hook.
After the match, Drew McIntyre returned and had a scuffle with Gunther. Presumably, Drew is now the next in line for an IC Title shot.
Cody Rhodes vs. Dominik Mysterio
Winner: Cody Rhodes (pinfall)
Dominik did his best to keep his distance at the start of the match. He slapped Cody and ran away a couple of times, and then he tried to escape up the aisle.
Cody got ahold of him, much to the audience’s delight, and then Rhea Ripley started playing interference. This allowed Dom to get a few cheap shots in and throw Cody into the ring post and announcer table, but a Cross Rhodes was enough to put Dom in his place.
Random Encounter!
We got a surprise John Cena promo where he thanked the London fans for being themselves. He also threw a snowball down the mountain and pointed out how well-received WrestleMania in the UK would be. The crowd obviously agreed with him, and Cena took shots at WWE’s office for their negative view of British wrestling fans.
Grayson Waller showed up and essentially cut the same promo Austin Theory did when first getting into a feud with Cena before WrestleMania. The main difference between the two was that Waller said Cena’s UK WrestleMania was rubbish and they should host the event in Australia instead.
Waller eventually jumped Cena when he turned to ask the crowd about WrestleMania again, but Cena fended him off with an AA before he skipped off, smiling.
Women’s Money in the Bank Ladder Match
Winner: IO SKY
Becky Lynch’s cosplay choice for the evening was Rogue from X-Men. Zelina Vega had so much makeup on that she looked like a guy overdoing his makeup while trying to look like Zelina Vega. She’s not a bad looker, so I dunno why the need for a builder’s trowel full of product.
Everything that was done in this match (but the finish) had already been done in the men’s MITB at the start of the show, case in point being that spot where Bayley and IO Sky missed someone with a ladder which happened to land as a horizontal bridge from an upright ladder and the second rope. Ricochet did the exact same thing earlier. Laaazy booking.
Trish Stratus and Zoe Stark tried to put a pair of handcuffs on Becky Lynch. They managed to get one wrist trapped, but Becky fought them off. IO looked like she had the case in her grasp, but a desperate Bayley tipped the ladder over to prioritize herself over her stable mate.
Becky and Bayley were slugging it out at the top of the ladder when IO returned to the scene. IO grabbed the loose handcuff and stuck it on Bayley’s wrist through the ladder. This left the path clear for IO to climb up and win the contract/match.
Seth Rollins vs. Finn Balor (World Heavyweight Title)
Winner: Seth Rollins (pinfall)
Technically, there was nothing wrong with this match. However, the show was starting to feel like it had gone on for a while, and this contest probably didn’t need to happen. I’m really not feeling the new “secondary belt for the sake of it,” despite both men being highly talented in the ring.
Seth Rollins had his ribs taped up, so Finn Balor obviously took aim at them and punished the champion at every opportunity. When Seth looked like he was starting to wrap things up, Damien Priest wandered down to ringside to show off his new Money in the Bank briefcase/contract. This distracted Seth enough for Finn to regain control of the match without spotting Priest.
When Balor climbed to the top rope to set up the Coup de Grace, he clocked Priest sitting at ringside and figured out why Seth randomly dropped his guard earlier. This hesitation gave Rollins enough time to avoid Finn’s finish and counter with a Stomp to retain his belt.
Post-match, Balor scolded Priest for getting involved, adding further tension between the faction members.
The Usos vs. Roman Reigns & Solo Sikoa
Winners: The Usos (pinfall)
Before the match, Paul Heyman was too distraught to introduce his team. He just stood in the background with a concerned look while clinging onto all of Roman Reigns’ title belts.
Jimmy Uso and Solo Sikoa started off. Jimmy couldn’t get around his stronger little brother; then Roman went at it with Jay. Reigns bailed whenever either Uso built any momentum until he and Solo were in firm control. This continued for some time.
As is tradition, we ticked “ref bump” off our Head of the Table bingo card next, and I think the official hit the apron a bit harder than he intended. Roman got flattened with a 1D, but there was no one to count the fall. By the time the referee had come around, Reigns and Solo had demolished both Usos with their finishing moves, and both Jimmy and Jay were belly up and stacked on the mat.
The fans chanted “bullshit” as they bought the near-fall, but the Usos managed to kick out at two. This caused Roman to lose control, and he started rocking with his face in his hands. Solo noticed this and took control by mounting an Uso and pummeling the crap out of him.
Reigns snapped out of his daze and joined in the beatdown. Solo tried to put one of the Usos through the announcer table, but he missed and took himself out of the match. Inside the ring, Reigns ate a load of double Superkicks and the Uso Splash. The crowd’s collective arse cheeks clenched as Jay pinned him, 1-2-3.
Another lively crowd for an event that didn’t disappoint massively. Some might say the London lot were a bit too much, and they were trying to make it about themselves, but I don’t think they were that bad. And that’s coming from someone who thinks fans should keep their phones and title belts at home and just watch the bloody show.
The men’s MITB wasn’t the result people wanted, but by the time the main event came around, everyone was ready (and happy) to see where the story went next.
SummerSlam (brought to you by Bud Lite) is next on the calendar, so I’ll see you then!
– OLDER RESULTS –
AEW Collision (June 17th, 2023)
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Comments (1)
The WWE Money in the Bank event thrilled fans worldwide with electrifying matches and unexpected twists. Amid the gripping action, crypto enthusiasts found a reason to cheer as well. Just like the volatility of the markets, superstars fought tooth and nail to secure the ico crypto-like contracts suspended high above the ring. A night of adrenaline and surprises, leaving both wrestling and crypto fans on the edge of their seats!